she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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