You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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