Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
