Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
