My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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