for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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