Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
