I wanna passion pit in your ass
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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