I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
