Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
