I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
