All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I love you. Go after that dick
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