He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
