I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
