i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i love accidental penises.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
