this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't trust your balls anymore.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
