Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
