I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
