Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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