Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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