you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
