the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
