Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
