So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
