I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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