I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
