Porn is love you can see.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
