I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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