oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
