I hate all girls vehemently.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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