There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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