I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
