I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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