People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
