I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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