I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
