And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
