your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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