you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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