but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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