Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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