Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
