my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
