have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How does one acquire holy water?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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