you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
please come you make the beer taste better
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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