Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
