I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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