he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
