I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
