On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
