I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
