Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
