There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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