Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
