I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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