Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
